We did a first impressions interview with the new 2015 VW Jetta 2.0L TDI – a rather quaint but memorable encounter.

Dean: You have recently received an upgrade to your exterior work and certainly now with more commanding presence.

Jetta: There have been subtle changes to my already sleek design, the engineers took something that was already good looking, etched in more detail and refined my aesthetics. Somewhat Spartan design language, chrome slatted grill, chiselled and angular bumper with fused-in-motion looking headlights.

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Dean: fused-in-motion looking headlights?

Jetta: Aerodynamic looking in other words. Speaking of ‘In’ other words! I have one of the finest derriere in my class, rather proud of it! You confused it with the drooping rear-end of a Passat, for which you said at least it doesn’t remind you of a fifty-something year old with flabby cheeks in a mini-skirt – I have never had a drooping butt!

Dean: Ah, (very embarrassed, starting to blush, eyes diverting)….yes, about that. I do sincerely apologise. (now extremely embarrassed, still blushing, going blood red, breathing deeply). Okay! Moving right along.

Dean: I found your interior architecture conventional with a feel at home ambiance. As if I was being hosted by my boss at his place for dinner.

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Jetta: Well. I am a nice guy, I want you to feel at home. The designers at VW wanted a colour scheme that is both warm and sophisticated. My dashboard is workable, so all tech’ functions, touch screen and climate control switches are, let’s say easier to operate, than asking someone to pass you the salt. My seats are extremely comfortable, snug fitting; being more at ease behind the wheel, means more attention is paid to the road and this forms a much stronger communication link between myself and the driver.

Dean: You’re still built on the previous Golf 5, 6 platform with the same robust underpinnings. Which almost seems generations behind that of the new Golf 7. I am not complaining! Your ride quality is still superior to that of other vehicles in your class, there wasn’t a time I was clenching my teeth on a bend or where I felt jittery approaching a corner at speed. The power response providing sufficient torque and under heavy braking, your six speed DSG transmission never missed a beat.

Jetta: Yes that’s true. Unless you’ve actually driven the new Golf 7, the distinction isn’t that obvious. I am not as agile on a corner as a hatch back, but I wasn’t engineered for that kind of driving – it’s quite application specific. My suspension set up assures the driver doesn’t crack any teeth when I am at a cross hairs with some communist asphalt or tarmac and my safety dynamics are especially active in wet weather. Now I don’t like to brag but mounted in my engine bay is a 2.0L TDI motor loaded with 103kw of power and splurging 320nm of torque. When you press the throttle, I’m never at a loss for words or second guessing myself, I deliver exactly what the driver wants; a vivid driving experience with forward motion that tickles the five senses. One thing is for sure – I am not boring.

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Dean: I agree. No one can say you’re boring and there isn’t anything to fault you on your build quality. Any last words?

Jetta: Yes! I resent being called a budget Audi!

Dean: Alright we will certainly remember that for the future.

Dean Joseph